Ashley's
anencephalic Story

Our story started on July 2000 when Pam found out that she was going to have our first little one.  We had been trying for several months but to no avail.  Finally, after taking two pregnancy tests to confirm it she told me that we were going to have an addition to our household.  In the next couple of days she went to the doctor and it was confirmed that she was pregnant and that we were going to be parents.

I wasn’t sure what to think.  I had really debated.  I knew that we would be good parents, but still a baby would change our life forever.  Nothing would ever be the same.  I guess maybe in a way I was just lazy. I didn’t want our life to change.  So you see, I wasn’t super excited about a baby.  Yet, I knew that sooner or later it was bound to happen so I might as well get used to the idea. I knew that I would love our child, that wasn’t the problem at all, but I just felt a heavy load of responsibility for the child we were bringing into the world.  There were so many things that could get in the way.  What if I didn’t raise him or her correctly and they turned out to be a bank robber or murderer?  What if I if something happened to him or her and they weren’t perfect?  That was a scary possibility that I didn’t know if I could handle or not.  As does every parent, I wanted my child to be perfect physically, mentally and spiritually.  What happened if he or she grew up and decided not to follow the Lord.  I couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing them for eternity.  Thus, I guess that you could say that I really wasn’t overly thrilled when we received this news.  Satan and God were planning to battle it out in our lives.