The Decision - Chapter 25

After several hours, we decided to call the nurse.  I believe that we both said goodbye and gave her a kiss.  They took her from us in a bassinet and wheeled her out the door.
This is when my real trouble began.

When they wheeled the bassinet out the room door, the realization hit me that I would NEVER EVER see my little girl in this world again.  I started to cry and I couldn’t stop.  Deep heart wrenching cries that I couldn’t control.  The only other time I remember crying like that was when my father took us back to my mother’s after a visit with him.  Even then I don’t think I cried as hard as I did on that night.  I just couldn’t stop.  Every time I would even think about stopping, I would remember anew that I was never going to see my little one again in this world.  I just can’t put into words how I felt.  Pam was there trying to comfort me, but I couldn’t be consoled. I still don’t know how she managed to hang on.  I wonder if she had such concern for me that she didn’t allow her feeling to really come out. There was just this despair in my heart that could not be lifted.  It was a grief that I had never up to that time experienced. I cried that way for probably fifteen to thirty minutes, before I was just cried out. I became exhausted and dropped on the sofa/chair sleeper that the hospital had.  It was very comfortable and I soon dropped off to sleep.

Lessons Learned

  • If you are carrying an anencephalic baby, allow yourself to cry.
  • If you are a close friend or family of someone who knows their baby will be born without a brain, allow them the time to cry. Don’t try to control their crying.  Just let them cry it out.
  • Bible verse: It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed. I Corinthians 15:52 - We can look forward to when those who have died will be transformed and will rise again.